Gay. Lesbian. Homosexual. Each of those words can stir up controversy, even today despite the great strides the gay community has made. We now have families that are more accepting of their gay sons or daughters. Friends who understand that we are the same person we were before, minus the lying to ourselves and others part. We have big businesses who have incorporated LGBT inclusion into their workforce, enforcing a diverse and welcoming environment to all. We’ve seen positive gay characters on our TV screens and in movies. We have elected officials who are openly gay, and some who aren’t but support the issues. Still, homosexuality remains a taboo subject for many.
As I mentioned in our last blog about the NY State Senate passing Marriage Equality, many of the people who are against homosexuality cite religious reasons for their beliefs. This puts an extra stress factor on gay kids or adults who are raised in a particular faith. There is already a stigma attached to being gay from our society, but believing that you are a sinner in the eyes of your God is often too much to bear. This is precisely the type of prey that some religious groups target. They preach that there is a “cure” for homosexuality, and that you can literally “pray the gay away’. Catchy slogan, but it has been proven several times by psychologists and scientists that it is just not possible. The 1999 comedy “But I’m A Cheerleader dealt with this issue in a lighthearted manner, but recent headlines show just how dangerous this line of thinking can be:
This Youth Pastor lured young boys to his ministry leading them to believe they could be cured of their homosexuality, only to sexually molest them.
Presidential hopeful Michele Bachmann and her husband fully stand behind their Christian Counseling Clinic, despite recent confirmation that “ex-gay” tactics have been used there. The practice known as reparative therapy has been denounced by The American Psychiatric Association and may actually have mental consequences.
And this horrific tragedy of a sick, delusional man who has killed a child and others in the name of his beliefs.
The way I see it, the basis for any religion should be a spiritual connection that promotes love and acceptance. That’s all. It’s that simple. There is no need to “save” a homosexual, and there is no cure. If there is any sin, it would be the contradictory manner in which these hypocritical types act. They claim to be loving and peaceful, yet they do not accept everyone for who they are. They speak of their prophets with great conviction, but I suspect that they are often missing the point. For example, devout Christians will quote passages from the Bible, words that have been recorded as spoken by Jesus himself. But, while Jesus never mentions homosexuality, he does speak about the evils of judgement. When you pay attention to some of the things that Jesus said, it’s really ironic how it gets contorted or flat out ignored by many who consider themselves good Christians. Remember Harold Camping’s recent Judgement Day hoopla? Well, here is my question…why would you have to go out and repent, save yourself, ONLY when you think Judgement Day is coming? Shouldn’t you just be a good Christian all the time, wouldn’t that be more the point of any religion? Exactly, because as Jesus said we are not meant to judge anyone, period. Love all, accept all, we are all one. That includes the homosexuals, so you cannot pray the gay away.
The struggles that one goes through when coming to terms with their homosexuality can be overwhelming, to say the least. Many feel they have to lose their religion. However, there are many homosexuals who come through their journey of self acceptance with a greater love and connection to God. Country singer Chely Wright made headlines last year when she came out as a lesbian, a huge deal for a genre of music that often depicts the traditional religious values of life. But Chely was at the end of her rope, and was about to end it all with a gun in her mouth. Taken from a Newsweek article:
“I went upstairs and loaded my 9-millimeter. I live in a house that’s 100 years old in Nashville. There’s a mirror in the foyer. I stood in front of the mirror and looked at myself. I was out of body. It shocked me how little emotion I had at the moment. I remember thinking, don’t people cry when they kill themselves? I said a prayer to God for what I was about to do. I prayed that God would forgive me. I thought of my ex-partner and how much I loved her and I thought of sunshine on my skin and how good that might feel and I thought of the gift of music and how much I love music. Then I heard something. It wasn’t the sound of a gun; I heard my heart pumping in my head. I heard my heartbeat. I looked in the mirror and I saw that I was crying. The emotional dam had broken and I came back in my body. I put down the gun. I knew that in the moment that I wouldn’t do it. The next morning, I got on my floor in my bedroom. What I prayed for in that day: “Dear God, I’m praying for a moment’s peace. I don’t care if it’s a minute or an hour, please give me a moment’s peace.” The moment I said “Amen,” I got it. I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt what God had been whispering in my ear: ‘I expect one thing of you and that’s to tell the truth.’ ”
To me, that moment can only be described as divine intervention. Not all may believe in that, but Chely sure did. Coming out may have lost her some traditional fans, but she had gained more in the form of those who never knew her before and now felt a connection. She also gained something much more priceless, the freedom to live her life open and honest. Chely’s God is one of love and acceptance and that is what pulled her through her darkest moment. I had not known of Chely prior to her coming out, but when the story broke, we covered it on the blog. I was pleasantly surprised to discover her music. And she continues to support the community, share her story through her book, and make music.
Thankfully, we also have this positive story to share:
It’s comforting to know that there are folks out there who find a way to blend their beliefs against all odds and make it work. They are grasping the idea of religion as spirituality, love, and acceptance rather than spreading fear, bogus cures, and trying to convert anyone who is different than them. And that to me, sounds like what any God would want of his followers.
TIMES TWO BOOK COVERAGE & MARRIAGE EQUALITY IN NEW YORK
press photos for book by Katie Ambrose
Times Two is a memoir written by partners Kristen Henderson and Sarah Kate Ellis. Partners who are committed to each other in every sense of the word, other than through marriage. Fortunately, that can all change now thanks to Governor Cuomo’s introducing and then persistent support of the Marriage Equality Bill. The fight was long and hard, finally coming to pass in a nail biting NY State Senate session that had all of New York and the internet on the edge of their seats. Facebook and Twitter were in a frenzy with second by second updates. Somewhere out on Long Island, Kristen and Sarah had been watching, tweeting, and waiting too. They lived their lives no different than any heterosexual couple. They met, fell in love, built a life, and then built a family together. Both are life long New Yorkers, Kristen hailing from Long Island and Sarah from Staten Island. Both have lived in Manhattan for several years as well. So it makes perfect sense that they would only want to solidify their union into a marriage in their own state.
Now that the bill has passed, Kristen and Sarah (and all other gays, of course) are allowed to be legally married like every other citizen. Just take a moment to think about that. Imagine your basic civil rights being voted on by a room full of lawmakers. Your right to have your relationship legally recognized by the state, so that your partner can be your spouse and you can both be afforded the same rights that married heterosexual couples take part in. This room of lawmakers get to play judge and jury with your life. They get to deny you basic freedoms simply because they don’t approve of who you are. They think it’s wrong and immoral. And the majority of their reasons are based on religious views, something that is not supposed to factor into our legal system but somehow always does. But, that is a whole other blog in itself. For this, I will stick to the legal issues on gay marriage, many of which are recounted by Kristen and Sarah in Times Two.
Kristen and Sarah’s story is told through humorous and heart wrenching accounts of their unique experience. Having suffered through several trials and tribulations, they both ended up getting pregnant on the same day. That’s 9 months of physical, hormonal, and psychological changes to go through together. If that doesn’t justify writing a book together, I don’t know what does! So they did, and it is a warm, touching, and most importantly, a real story.
At the start of the book, Kristen and Sarah describe their somewhat different upbringings. Kristen’s artistic tendencies were prevalent as a kid. She and her sister Cathy had formed bands and played neighborhood gigs together. The music continued into college when Kristen joined the band Cathy started up, which was the very first incarnation of Antigone Rising. Sarah showed a strong business sense early on, though her first attempt at corporate success was not so honorable. She made a few fast bucks selling science test answers to her schoolmates. In college however, Sarah and a friend had a more legitimate enterprise going, cleaning houses and dog walking. I’m sure if you ask any of their long time friends and family, they’d agree it was no surprise that both would continue to build upon these traits and develop them them into ongoing careers. Kristen is still a successful musician and Sarah is an executive at Real Simple magazine.
The book continues with Kristen and Sarah telling their experiences of learning they were gay. This of course brings them to the world of dating women, and they share some background on their relationships prior to finding each other. Although Kristen and Sarah originally met through mutual friend Liz Brooks, it isn’t until years later that they connected on a much more soulful level. That moment is one of my favorites in the book. It is the stuff all great love stories are made of. The point where all the stars align, confusion leaves, everything makes sense, and you just know. Kristen and Sarah had been in the right place, at the right time, and they knew they were ready to be a couple and start a family. It is the first of several such moments to come throughout this story.
Not long into their relationship, Kristen and Sarah decide it’s time to start on their dream of having a family. They now take us along on their painstaking journey of research, donors, doctors, countless pregnancy tests, and late night runs to the local pharmacy. All of this is told with both hilarious honesty and heart warming sincerity. I can’t possibly describe the essence of the book or the range of emotions it takes you through. It is an absolute read for yourself experience. If you are a fan of Antigone Rising, you probably already have it in your possession. But even if you’re not familiar with Kristen or her band, Times Two still has appeal that reaches far and wide beyond the scope of fans or the gay community. This is a story that any woman can relate to no matter what type of relationship she is in, or even single and trying to conceive. Some may read it and find similarities in their own lives. And some may read it and find hope where they thought there was none. It’s a story about love, life, and family.
In light of the recent marriage equality bill being discussed as I type this blog, Kristen and Sarah’s story is more important than ever. Kristen had taken to her blog several times on issues that her family were facing. Issues such as having a social worker come into their home to deem them proper parents. Having to adopt each other’s child in order to be considered their parent. Issues that heterosexuals do not have to endure no matter what circumstances their child may be raised in.
More recently, Sarah wrote a blog that made it to the front page of Huffington Post and has been shared on various sites across Facebook and Twitter. Kristen and Sarah want to be legally married to protect their children from the unjust criticism that is bound to happen as they grow up. They want their children to be just like others, born into a family that loves them with parents who are legally wed. And now, they will. A few days after the bill passed, Kristen wrote a touching blog for Huffpost Women. She brings us back to her own childhood where she was never comfortable thinking about the all important “white dress” that all little girls are supposed to dream of. Now having gained the right to do so, it seems Kristen may not have a problem wearing one after all. It just comes down to this…No one wants to defile the sanctity of marriage. The only “gay agenda” is equality. To be legally accepted, legally recognized, and legally afforded the same rights as every other citizen. We work and pay taxes. We vote. We honor our military and respect our country. Love, life, and family. We believe in that too. And we are grateful that the NY State Senate has finally recognized that.
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Hope will never be silent. - Harvey Milk
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