written by Lorraine Mazza
blog layout by Amanda Vontobel
Last week, there was buzz floating around the internet that a closeted celebrity was going to come out on May 5th. People Magazine was going to run the story to coincide with this artist appearing on a few TV shows. However, the story somehow broke over the weekend, and it was revealed to be country singer Chely Wright. I’ve heard of her before, but she is not what I would consider a well known celebrity outside of the mainstream country scene. Much of the comments I’ve seen had the same reaction. In fact, my initial blog about this was going to be in jest saying “who?” But, then I read this article Secretly gay country star had ‘gun in my mouth’. The title alone made my heart sink and I knew what I wanted to write.
Coming out of the closet can be many different things to those who experience it. It’s a process that often takes years to go through, much of which is a struggle that goes on within the person long before they speak a word to another. Chely’s story is proof positive of that and all too familiar for so many. But, not everyone gets it. Sometimes there are well meaning heterosexual people who will say things like, “I accept someone being gay, but I just don’t get why they have to announce it. Can’t they just live their lives and not tell everyone their business?”. No. The process of coming out is something that is not easily understood unless you go through it personally. And the “announcing” part is not about pushing your “lifestyle” on someone else. It’s not about “wanting attention” or “being flamboyant”. It’s about recognition. It’s about acceptance. It’s about finally being comfortable in your own skin. It’s about looking in the mirror and being 100% okay with who you see looking back. Maybe even smiling at the reflection, because you know there will be those who will judge, disapprove, and hate… but, the person in the mirror will still be 100% okay.
This may sound dramatic to some, but I assure you it is not. We learn early on in life what society expects of us. Ask any homosexual person when they knew they were gay. In most cases the answer will be early teens or sometimes earlier. So imagine knowing from that far back that you are not what society expects. You grow up with these preconceived notions about being a sinner, sick, brainwashed, desperate, or even possessed. And that’s just a few of the labels that get tossed into your thought process as the years roll on. The information comes from family, friends, random strangers, articles, media. It can be unintentional of course, but it leaves it’s mark. The length of the struggle and the path is different for everyone. But, eventually (hopefully) the path leads you to finally accepting who you are and understanding that is simply all it is, who you are.
Chely’s story may not be unique, but it may be one that helps make it more unique in the future. There has always been strength in numbers and history proves how much those numbers have grown and what they’ve helped to achieve in the last few decades. There are steps backwards, but each new story makes the steps forward that much more attainable. One of the goals of the LGBT community is to provide support and assistance to help those in need with their path BEFORE it gets to the point where Chely’s led. She was lucky. Her faith gave her the strength needed to turn the page and smile at her reflection in the mirror. But, many are not lucky and they lose the struggle. Speculations that her coming out may affect Chely’s conservative and Christian fan base are bound to be true to some degree. But, I’m willing to bet it will have a greater impact and more positive affect on those people who cannot yet see their true reflection.
In the article linked above, Chely says this about finally being honest with herself, “It feels incredible, I feel as if it’s my birthday.” I think that’s a perfect way of saying it. Happy Birthday Chely, welcome to the rest of your life.
